Can fat people have "Fat Days?"
So many times in my life, I have heard people say they are having "Fat Days." You know, those days when you tend just feel, well, fat. Perhaps you did not hit the gym, or you overindulged on your favorite foods, or just feel rather blah. It's mostly skinny people in my life that I have heard say that they feel as if they are having Fat Day. I've never been one to say I am having Fat Day, as every day for the past 25 years has been a Fat Day. I remember Freshmen year of college, when my pre-Freshmen 15 dorm mates would overindulge at the dining hall they would unbutton their top button and you could actually see their bellies looking full, and they would exclaim, "Wow, I am totally having a fat day." I would look at them in awe, amazed you could actually see their stomachs expanded and that not buttoning your pants any more was acceptable as long as you had too many grilled cheeses. I spent so many mornings trying to get myself into my size 14s that needed to be 16s that it never occurred to me that I could let them hang open and claim, "I am having a Fat Day!" But then it dawned on me, I don't think that 6570 consecutive Fat Days constituted an excuse as much as a Fat Life.
To me, saying I am having a Fat Day is the equivalent of saying I am having a "Brown-Eyed Day," a "Fabulous MAC make-up day," or perhaps a, "I could use a cocktail Day." It is part of my identity, I never thought I could fathom what a Fat Day felt like, or a Skinny Day for that matter.
Until today. To give you a glimpse into my current life, I go to the gym 4-6 days a week, walk 3-4 days a week, and try to ride my bike 1-3 times a week, if this darned weather would cooperate (because clearly my struggle to breathe has everything to do with the wind, and not the fact that at 5'5", I outweigh most college running backs.) My eating styles have changed drastically, I am all about lots of veggies and fruits and no processed food, but without deprivation of the things I love (It's not a diet!! More to come on this later.) Normally I really kick butt while at the gym, and stick with my eating habit changes, but today was a different story.
While on the elliptical trainer, I couldn't get up to my normal pace. My legs felt like wobbly pieces of spaghetti. Actually, these are my legs we are talking about. So my legs felt like wobbly pieces of fettucine covered in a rich and creamy Alfredo sauce. I did 15-half assed minutes, then hopped on the bike. But there were these two horribly obnoxious guys behind me talking about Oprah! Yes, OPRAH! and it was just driving me nuts. Note- Never forget iPod ever again. Plus, my toe hurt, so after 10 minutes on there, back to the elliptical. At three minutes into it, I said, "Screw this, I am so not feeling it," hopped off, skipped my end routine of stretching and bolted.
In itself, it would not be so bad to take a day off at the gym. However, I got home and remembered I promised my husband I would make him a key-lime pie, (Let me tell you, trying to LOSE weight while living with a man who is trying to GAIN weight makes for an interesting dynamic-more on this at a later date.) I make up the delicious crust and pie without a taste. However, that sweet, delicious, gooey meringue called my name, and before I knew it, I was licking what was left on the spatula and swiping my paw at the mixing bowl like Pooh Bear in a Honey Pot. Will came in, shocked at the sight of me with meringue all over my left hand and cream on nose. He did not care that I indulged, but was royally pissed at the calories that he got cheated out of! But the pie turned out amazing, so all is now forgotten.
The day passed, evening commenced, and I have a realization while sitting on the couch. I was thinking of my half-assed gym efforts, my hand-to-hand combat with the remnants on a mixing bowl, the slice of key-lime pie (had to make sure it was as delicious as it looked) and realized something...
"OH MY GOD, I AM HAVING MY FIRST FAT DAY!" Sitting there, I felt what all these healthy, skinny people have been jazzing about for so long! I felt blobish, full, bloated and very Jabba The Hut-esque. What should have been horrifying was absolutely amazing feeling! It meant I am finally in a habit of eating better and working out, and my body is letting me know it does not enjoy the day off I took today! I had a Fat Day!
Reality came back to me though, and I realized if I couldn't have a fat day as a 16 squeezing into 14s, I sure as hell could not have one as an 18. So I promptly got on the ground and started doing crunches, leg lifts, planks, and stretches to try to salvage as least part of the day.
That meringue was so worth it, though. When I die, screw riding a cloud and getting my Angel (Demon?) wings. Just throw me on a pile of meringue.