Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Dance Party Gone Wrong.

I have a confession to make.

Every morning I have a 5-minute dance party by myself. For five minutes in the a.m., I blast some tunes and just break it down. Sometimes I will just sort of jig around the bedroom, some days I practice the New Jack Swing style I am so very desperate to learn, others I rehearse my ballroom steps or work on my M.C. Hammer shimmy a la the "Can't Touch This" video. Regardless of what I do, I make sure that every morning before I leave the house I rock out and dance around for at least five minutes. The music varies, although it is overwhelmingly Disco. Sidenote: I love Disco. I really truly deeply love Disco music. I am currently listening to The Trammps and will probably switch it over to the BeeGees next. If you ever need an idea on something to get me, give me Disco music. No one has ever done it and I will love you forever for it. I really despise people who say, "Disco is Dead." Say that to me one more time and you'll be the one who is dead, buddy.

Anyway, enough about Disco, back to my Morning Dance Party. How I get my Dance Party started every morning varies. Sometimes some really great song will be the alarm on my iPod alarm clock (Toto's Africa anyone?) and I will just hop out of bed and start dancing. Other times I will get out of the shower and start my shimmy because my Herbal Essences moves me that way. Maybe I read an exciting news story that makes me happy- IE anytime I read about a state legalizing Gay Marriage, I always throw a Dance Party for that. There are times when I just have to stop my routine to fit Dance Party in, and there are days like today when I learn something good that makes me break out into it.

Only today went terribly, terribly wrong.

I got onto the scale to see where I was at, as I have been really slacking off with my working out and not eating as well as I should be. I've still been active, and still eating better than I used to, but not at optimal performance. I figured I gained a few pounds back, and I expected it. However, to my great surprise, I did not gain anything, I actually lost weight! Seeing the tonnage goes down always excites me, but the number on the scale reflected back to me that I am down 25 pounds from when I started! Quickly my brain told me weight always fluctuates a few pounds and it was probably due to the fact I had not put on my standard pound of eyeshadow and pound of mascara, but I quickly dismissed it because that scale was telling me I was 25 pounds lower!!!

So Dance Party began! Oingo Boingo was playing on my iTunes, so I decided to bust out my best 80s dance moves. I started with an excited Moonwalk (Yes, I can moonwalk) across the bathroom floor then continued into the Running Man as I crossed the bedroom, I hit the doorway (literally) played it off and spun around hollering, "25 Pounds! 25 Pounds!" then started with the Roger Rabbit down the hallway. I got to the top of the stairs and cut into the finest display of The Sprinkler you have ever seen. Except I have never done the Sprinkler, I was just hit by inspiration to break into it. A word of wisdom: Fat Girls are not made to do The Sprinkler. Only half of my imaginary lawn was watered when I simultaneously pulled my quad and my hamstring in my right thigh. I doubled over in pain, grabbed at my leg, but moved a little too swiftly for my mass to balance itself and I fell. Down my staircase. Into a wall at the bottom.

Dance Party was cut short. I laid at the bottom of my stair case, elbows raw with carpet burn, tailbone aching and a sore leg from The Sprinkler gone wrong and realized some moves are just not made for Fat Girls. The motion of trying to gyrated on one leg while getting my elbow and knee to meet (a task I doubt I could accomplish sitting on the ground due to my 50-year-old man sized Beer Gut), was just too much for my body to handle.

When I hit the 30-pound mark, I am sticking with The Worm. Pretty sure I can handle flailing and flopping across the floor, especially if I pretend there is a frozen coke waiting for me on the other side.

Let's just hope the support beams and boards on the house can handle it better than my leg could. On the bright side, at least I won't have very far to fall.


  1. lol....oh cari. i hope your leg feels better!

  2. I love the tunes in this article...Oingo Boingo and Toto? I once met a Rabbit named Oingo Boingo at a dumpy bar called the Grass Hut on Imperial Beach in San Diego!!!