Monday, February 8, 2010

Stopping Smoking is Directly Related to Increased Obesity Rates

A recent study conducted by the Cari Institute for Advancement of Left Wing Policies(CIALWP) discovered a shocking correlation between the effects of quitting smoking and the impact on obesity rates. The study, a double blind random sampling of one, found that participants who made the decision to quit smoking experienced a sharp increase in their weight.

The study participant found that giving up smoking after eight years has caused her to, once again, lose a very important battle in her life. "I was finally over the 50 pound mark of weight loss and was never going to gain that weight back. I made a personal promise to my friends and family that when I hit that mark I would quit smoking, and I honored that pledge. However, I am now ONCE AGAIN at only 47 pounds lost," said Cari*

CIALWP has found that study participants experience sharp weight increases when quitting smoking due to two main factors. One, newly-found nonsmokers are regrowing taste buds and regaining their sense of smell, making food taste fuller and more delectable. Secondly, those quitting smoking may be inclined to increase food intake or eat more snacks, compensating for the oral fixation cigarettes provided.

The cost of increased weight versus healthy lungs has some study participants conflicted.

"I am very proud of the fact that I honored my 50-pound bargain and have been smoke free for more than a month. However, now that I am ONCE AGAIN at only 47 pounds, I am pondering if I can start smoking again as the lack of tobacco is affecting my metabolism," Cari stated. "I know my weight increase is smoking related and has nothing to do with the fact I am rarely working out or have taken to eating Italian buttercream with a shovel."

It is unclear as to the long-term effects of living a smoke-free life and obesity rates, but CIALWP will be continuing to monitor the progress of the study participants, who remain hopeful.

"I truly believe this a change that will stick with me and I am done smoking for life. Now, I am entirely addicted to Werther's Original Sugar-Free candies and am setting a personal goal of when I lose 60 pounds to give up the Werther's," stated Cari.

A study is currently being conducted by CIALWP to monitor the effects of Werther's Original Sugar-Free candies and mental soundness and will be released within six months.

*Last names withheld to protect the obese.


  1. Yay! Way to go! I know you can do it!

  2. I have a little something for you over at my blog!


  3. As a skinny bitch who stalks your blog, I would like to share.
    I quit smoking in August '08. I did not 'gain weight' per se, but I *grew*. I'd been smoking since I was 10, you see, and had some stunted growth that needed to come through (at 21!)
    Also, they way my body carried fat changed. I have cellulite on my little bit of belly fat now (again, skinny bitch, but I carry all my body fat at the front of my body in a little pouch). It looks WEIRD.
    Lastly, my ass got GIGANTIC (stretch marks and all) overnight. Luckily, as my body grew accustomed to being smoke free, my ass returned to normal. And most former smokers I know have said the same-they got bigger somewhere, but it went away.
    Sorry for the novel. Best of luck!