Thursday, July 28, 2011

Dear Sir at the 7-11

Dear Sir working the night shift at my neighborhood 7-11,

For shame on you sir, for shame.  Tonight I stop by your oasis in the storm to indulge in my beloved Nacho Bowl after enjoying one or two too many nips of the potion.  I was full of anticipation and excitement because my nacho bowl comforts me when I come home and tends to me through out the night, ensuring I awake free of the headache and discomfort that comes with one too many swigs of the hooch.

Tonight, my hopes and dreams were dashed.  Would it really be too much to ask that the heavenly, liquid orange mass that comes out with a press of the button be served hot?  Or at least luke warm?  Imagine my disappointment when I arrived home, opened up my bounty expecting a hot container bursting with convenience store fiesta goodness and felt a cold container.  Cold? Really?  Sure, I could go ahead and microwave it, but microwaving does not work in the same manner as the hot cheese from your dispenser. The dispenser cheese's heat helps makes the nacho bowl chips soggy with cheesey goodness, allowing me to eat them with a fork, rather than my hands.  Tonight, however, I was able to hold up every chip without it falling limp, victim to cheese and transfatty oils.

Shame on you, Sir.

Your friend,

P.S. Your chips were stale too.

P.P.S. As much as I love your traditional flavor, would it kill you to come out with a "Baseball Game Nacho Cheese" flavor for these summer months? A girl likes a little variety.

P.P.P.S- Your frozen coke Slurpee was, in fact, too syrupy. As an industry professional as well as a Black Belt in Frozen Coke Kwan Do, I can tell the right syrup consistency to ice ratio from 60 feet away with one eye shut.

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