Monday, September 5, 2011

Cari's Hard & Fast Rules of Life #4 & #21

Did you grow up with a big brother? I did.

Did you grow up with a ball of raging testosterone looking for a weak punching bag to wail on?  I did.

Did you grow up with someone who was built like an offensive lineman using you as a football practice bag? I did, only he actually WAS an offensive lineman.

Well, little sisters of the world, rest assured that revenge does, in fact, arrive.  Only it's  a dish served cold, ice ice cold.

Cari's Hard & Fast Rule of Life #4 is that a woman who takes public transit alone should always carry some sort of protection...and  I am not talking Trojan man protection. Although also very important to have on hand.

Well, Rule #4 also applies well to getting revenge served cold, which is also rule #21. 

When you are ending a great night out with your brother, the one who used to beat the snot out of you, and he asks, "Are you going to be okay and safe getting home?"  The decades of pent up revenge rage are completely worth it when you can pull a knife out that can cut through elk pelt and pepper spray that can stop a bear at more that 45 feet away from you when he is inches away.  The look on his face as you tell him you know how to properly jab up and under the rib cage to lacerate the liver while puncturing a lung makes every bruise worth it. It is irrelevant that he is now asking the question as a concerned older brother and completely relevant that you are finally seizing your moment to strike him cold with fear.

  Cari's Hard and Fast Rule of Life #4 combined with #21 will make your inner 10-year-old little sister sing with happiness, because when you pull a knife and pepper spray on your big brother and he retracts with fear and begs you to put them away, you feel that even though he won the battles, you won the war.

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