Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cuckoo for Clocks! Or My New Thrift Shop Adventures

I love clocks, specifically funky analog clocks.  Since entering the world of semi-Adulthood, I've always adorned my walls with clocks.  Every room in my home has always had an analog clock, bathrooms included.  I've had clocks that the numbers were sushi pieces, retro alarm clocks, a stained glass Ohio State bar clock, pretty clocks, boring clocks...I just love clocks.  One of my favorite pieces is my clock  that is inspired by Salvador Dali's painting, "The Persistence of Memory" aka the melting clocks picture for you uncultured proles.  Unfortunately, over the past few months, it has been requiring a lot of batteries and is running on time of a different dimension.  I know I can take it to a repairman and have it up and running, but then I would not have an excuse to buy a new clock.  So I will add it to my clock graveyard of timepieces I plan to get fixed in 30 years to adorn the walls of the library I will have in my home someday.

For now, the dead Dali hangs, waiting to be replaced.  And I know what the perfect replacement piece is- A Cuckoo Clock!  I have always harbored a secret yearning to own a Cuckoo clock.  They take me to a happy place as I associate them with my days as a chubby little toddler running around my Busia and Papa's house.  They had a fun Cuckoo clock that had pine cones hanging from chains that I adored.  I had a lot of fun out at their house in the country, primarily because my brother was not around often, so I did not have to share the spoils of being with grandparents. I was able to bask in their love, attention and new toys without having Big Brother around to snatch it all away.  It's irrelevant that I now know that I was dumped off there due to the fact that my brother was constantly in the hospital and my parents refused to visit me.  Nevermind the fact that the one and only time that my Dad came to visit me I chased him down the street as his car pulled away, yelling for him to take me with him, and he told my mom when he got to the hospital that he was not going back to visit me again.  No, despite my parental abandonment, I have great memories of being out at that house and I associate Cuckoo Clocks with that period of Cariness.

Fast forward a few decades, now I desire to adorn my walls with a clock to remind myself of the happiness I felt at that time in my life.  However, one's desires are often beyond one's means, ergo I am too damned poor to afford to buy a new Cuckoo clock.  I hunted around on E-bay, but I am hesitant to get something like this on there, so I've decided I shall scour through thrift shops and garage sales until I find the perfect clock for myself.  I know that it is going to take some time, most likely years, but it will give me something to focus on besides wine consumption.

And as anyone who's ever smelled the unique funk of a Goodwill store, there are some great finds to be found in thrift shops and second-hand stores.  So as a new feature here on the Follies, I shall be showcasing the best item that I discovered at the various shops that I hit up.  From the Salvation Army located on Broadway south of Montrose, I present this:

Why someone chose to donate this beautiful item to a thrift shop is beyond me.  It's absolutely perfect for the chain-smoking cat enthusiast who has (presumably) her house decorated in pink sea shells.  I can think of three people off the top of my head that fit that bill and would love to own this. Incidentally, it is now sitting on my bedroom dresser as I decide which of the three to give it to at the holiday season.  Perhaps I should let them know they are in the running so they can fight for my affections.

While my first trip did not yield me the desired timepiece, I also found this gem.

Interestingly enough, I knew a number of sluts in my high school college younger days who used this exact same logic to justify their "extracirricular activities." Unfortunately, no one ever manufactured a wall clock to celebrate their methods of getting alternative forms of protein.

Looks like I finally found my way to make my millions!

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