Dear Geico, Allstate, Progressive, State Farm and other Miscellaneous Insurance Providers,
Stop wasting paper and postage on sending me offers to the generic,
"Illinois Driver." Your money would be better spent on this non-vehicle
owning gal by offering a Red Line Insurance Policy. Create a policy
that gives me coverage for immediate smart phone replacement after a
theft and health insurance coverage for communicable diseases anytime a
"residentially challenged" individual spits on me, and then we can talk.